Suffering in silence
What does this mean? This is how I’ve felt lately with my mental health issues…
These last few months my life hasn’t been easy… I wasn’t expecting to have another hard time so close since leaving eating disorder treatment last March.
I haven’t wanted to talk about this hard time because I’ve felt ashamed and embarrassed.
I really was doing ok until September 19, 2017 when I was in a rear-end wreck. Me, being the one that got rear-ended. This has effected my job, because as an ICU nurse I lift and turn patients, along with being on my feet for long periods of time. I really just haven’t completely healed…
Why has this upset me so much? Because my eating disorder recovery has been going well and I felt like this setback really sucks and makes me feel like a failure.
Since going on FMLA at the beginning of December, I really haven’t opened up about this. Of course my family knows, but not many people at all. My anxiety and depression really kicked in ending up with me at a real low. Real real low.
Again, I feel like I’m having to really fight and fight to get my life where I want it.
After multiple days of dissociating watching TV I started doing small things…
I had said why me? Why does this keep happening? But instead of focusing on this, I’ve kept moving forward.
I’ve been incorporating better coping skills and I’m not completely back to myself but still trying hard on my road to recovery. My eating disorder has given me some hard thoughts lately, but overall my ED is doing well!
Here’s some things right now that are helping me:
-EMDR to get over past traumas.
– Joe Dispenza meditation and the power of changing my thinking!
-doggy love with my 2 puppy dogs.
-reading for pleasure. I hadn’t rememberes the last time I read for pleasure!
-nutritional food! Working on food to nourish my body!
-small exercise to start getting stronger and helping me heal.
I just have been so embarrassed to talk about this. It didn’t make anything better when my doctor hasn’t been very nice either. He was telling me how I shouldn’t be in this much pain and it’s probably anxiety and depression related. I understand how it could be, but I think I’d know if it is! Luckily, I went to a new physical therapist and she agreed why I’m in pain. My whole body is still out of whack!!!
Is there still a stigma having mental health disorders? I think so! I don’t want to suffer in silence anymore though!