eating disorder, Life

M I A- The Invisibly Visible

First off, I want to apologize to my readers for being MIA for a while.

My ED crept up and hit me like a freight train. I was in denial and telling myself I am 100% OK. My doctor wanted me to try treatment 3 days a week half-days, but after a week trying that, I could not take it and it was stressing me out more. I am doing my own thing outpatient along with my doctor and dietician. I am determined and doing the best I can.

How can I keep fighting this and being strong?

I have been very stressed lately because of work, ED, life in general. Since treatment I’ve had such a hard time re-adjusting to real life. I knew this would be a process but WTF! It’s so hard for me just to do “normal things.” I have no energy. Many can’t tell (except my husband) because my disorder is invisibly visible… It’s only visible when it starts chiseling my life away. I’ve been losing my hair, my heart has been racing, walking once up stairs exhausts me. It’s just such an awful process. I am realizing though that this is a path of recovery and sometimes will be rocky.

My husband and I are considering buying a beautiful house that we are in love with. I know that I am determined to eat my meal plan, follow my treatment, and reach out for help. If I don’t I’ll only slip backwards even more into the abyss of ED. I am worried about money (just like every first-time homebuyer). All I can do is keep working my program and trying even with the little energy I have.

Sometimes I just wish people REALLY understood!!! The STRUGGLE IS REAL!!!!

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