eating disorder, Life

My Life Now 1.0

♥MY LIFE THEN VS NOW♥

I’ve decided it’s time… time for me to start talking about my life last year versus now. This is going to be a series since CLEARLY my life has COMPLETELY changed!

My entire life can be summed up in one sentence: Well, that didn't go as planned. Darynda Jones Quotes, pinterest, nederland, suusjesworld, life quotes

A year ago approximately is when I realized I had an eating disorder and sought treatment. Where do I even begin this series?

Last year this time I was completely down in the dumps. I had reached my all time low. My husband is in the Air Force and in July left for a TDY for 3 weeks I think? During that time was my lowest point… period.

MY BRAIN WAS NOT WORKING. I was in such a brain-fog I could not process general information. I realize now how malnourished I was. All I wanted to do was stay in my dark bedroom, secluded, and sleep all day. I barely crept out of bed to make it to work.

Remember when we were younger, when we thought a flip of a light switch could chase away the monsters that linger under our beds? Maybe, if someone came into our lives, be the light in our darkness, they can chase away the monsters in our heads.

Some days I would call my dad or mom bawling asking if I should even go to work, because I didn’t think I could… or should. As a nurse I really wanted to make sure my patients had the best care… at that time, I tried so hard to do my best, but knew it was not my best.

One night my mom and brother even came over and brought me a Sonic drink because I was having suicide thoughts… I told you MY LOWEST POINT! ROCK BOTTOM!

40 years later, I figured out how to say "No."  No more fundraisers, events, weddings, galas, fashion shows, golf events, etc!  My life is now full of grandchildren, children, church, bible study groups, trips, and teaching piano.  Love this decade of my life!

Let’s fast forward to now. Today I am doing ok. I am not great, but ok. I know I still have work to do, but I have come a long ways.

I still have days I want to stay in bed all day, but I push myself out of bed and remind myself of all I have to live for! I eat way better than I did last year! Yes, I still have foods that are hard for me because of my eating disorder. However, I AM ABLE TO PUSH MYSELF TO EAT THEM! I know food doesn’t define me.

I have been more of a recluse though, so I am working on hanging out with people more… especially my family who has been there for me all year.

Image result for gif living life

One day at a time!

Peace and love,

Mariah

 

Advertisements

1 thought on “My Life Now 1.0”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s