The movie, “TO THE BONE” is coming out next month on Netflix. It is about a young woman struggling with anorexia who meets an unconventional doctor to help her face her condition and embrace life.

This is important for people to understand because many people with bulimia don't show physical signs and feel very alone because they can't tell anyone. -MD

I have mixed feelings about this movie coming out… It is supposed to be a dark comedy. There is nothing comedic about eating disorders.

If anything they are super dark, causing so much despair and desperation.

When I first watched the trailer I did think that this was “romanticizing” eating disorders. Giving the viewer ideas on how to either become further immersed in their eating disorders, or how to propel into one.

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My total horror about this movie is that Lily Collins became emaciated for this role. SHE IS AN EATING DISORDER SURVIVOR! She looks so gaunt. There is no way this was good for her. I can’t even imagine. That’s literally choosing to go backwards!

Ok, here is how I think this could be an OK thing. I say OK with major hesitation. We really need there to be more awareness about eating disorders. If this is the start and brings more people to realize how awful eating disorders are, then so be it.

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It will always be hard to discuss this topic. This topic is so sensitive. I’m not sure there would ever be a good way to portray it. These people have the resources and opportunity to share a story. I still am hesitant.. very… but maybe this is a good thing?

I see people watching this more than documentaries on survivors stories… we will see what happens…





Being an ICU nurse, some days are easier than others

I am usually at peace with this and have accepted how my job is

Today pushed me harder than other days though, and really made me think and grow as a person

Life is extremely short

Sickness and death can knock on our doorstep at any time

We only have so many days on this earth from birth to death, how will you choose to live?

What if today is your last day alive?

What all would you do?

It can happen to anyone…

A young person can go from being happy and healthy to extremely sick, multiple organs failing, like a huge puzzle needing to be fixed. . . I can be an older person, a kid. . .

All the puzzle pieces sometimes can be placed back together (hopefully), but where do we even start?

If the doctors and nurses try everything and can’t put these puzzle pieces back together, what does someone think/feel in the end of their life?

I CAN’T EVEN IMAGINE! Are they frightened? Feeling at peace that they will pass away? Scared of where they are going after they pass away? Unsure what their afterlife beliefs are? Scared to leave their families?

How did they choose to live in life? Did they accomplish their dreams? Find love? Finish their bucket list?

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How is the family handling this situation?

Of course this is situation dependent. These situations are never easy for family.

ICU nurses really do see family at their worst times. I can’t imagine how awful it is to sit and watch your loved one in such a dire situation. Watch as doctors and nurses do everything to save them.

… but most of the time all the family can do is WAIT.  How horrible!

Have you told your loved one everything you’ve wanted to say? Seen them as much as you’ve wanted?  Loved on them enough?

Don’t wait until it’s their end of life to do this…

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I have been reminded how life can change so fast. Remember that life is fleeting, love the ones around you as it’s the last day!



The Gassin’ and Car Washin’ of Life

We easily go to gas stations and put gas in our cars. Why is it so hard for us to fuel our bodies? Even tho we all have to eat the diet industry is changing everyday and adding all these new “fad” diets! How is it possible to figure out what is best for our bodies? People with eating disorders are on the rise everyday and among all demographics, ages, races, etc. Eating disorders combined with figuring out what’s best for overall nutrition can be really overwhelming and take a toll on people.

Why can’t fueling our bodies be just like putting gas in a car? Wishful thinking… I know when I was really really sick with my eating disorder my mind rattled with what all I couldn’t eat. The list of things I believed I could eat was extremely short… Very restrictive… Based off of internet research, what a doctor told me was “best”, allergy testing, and what my STUBBORN nurse-brain told me was right. Because we all know I’m always right…💁

I literally became so restrictive in my food consumption that I mostly ate like a rabbit… Something had to change! My brain was not functioning off of what I consumed.

Roadtrip finds. | @artifactuprsng on @vsco Grid:

During treatment and even now I am realizing that the diet industry IS SOO RICH!!! I can’t imagine how much money they made off of me… and how much they make off of others!!! I’ve saved so much money giving up all my exercise programs, diets, supplements, “special foods.”

Now I’m trying to fuel my body like a well-fueled car. Eating many types of foods and being less-restrictive. I am learning to eat what I like. I actually enjoy sweet treats, which is huge progress seeing as I used to consider them “bad.” My food choices may need to be different because of my eating disorder, but I hope we can all choose to fuel our bodies like we fuel our cars. We don’t want empty tanks now do we? 

Regular or Ethyl - Cars Land...I remember when there were gas station attendants who pumped your gas..regular or ethyl, Mam?...i'm officially 'OLD'! :'(:

So how does a car wash fit into this?

For most of us taking care of our cars outside and inside is important! Well our bodies should be to! Self-care is important!2016-05-12-downsized

 Before I went into treatment I barely made anytime for myself. I made excuse after excuse to take care of others… I mean I am a nurse right?! Being a nurse was my identity tho. I needed to figure out who I was without my stethoscope around my neck! 

I’ve learned that even if I just need to sit and watch a netflix show, it’s ok. Sleeping an extra hour, it’s ok. Taking the time and energy I need to to take care of myself is extremely important for me to have a long life!

In a world where everything is speeding up, I am trying to do the opposite. Sit, relax, meditate, breathe.

So let’s fuel and car wash our lives today!







Happy Birthday Day to me....It's my Birthday. It's my Birthday! Thankful to be alive to see 51 years of life. TGBTG!!!

I had absolutely no idea that my life would be where it is at this point in life. Accepting that life throws many curve balls and learning to deal with them.

I’ve decided that…


I kept saying that my last two birthdays, but this one is different! I FEEL IT!

The last two years I had absolutely NO ENERGY!!! My eating disorder raged through me, but I am at a place I feel like I’m ready to rock! I know I’ll still struggle but you best believe… I am ready to LIVE!!!

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  • I started a hip-hop class, so keep it up and channel my inner diva!!!

  • Dance like NO ONE IS WATCHING

Roz “The Diva” Mays, Personal Trainer and Pole Dancer. They believe because I don’t have a traditionally ‘athletic’ body type, that it should diminish all of my achievements in the athletic community
Roz “The Diva” Mays
  • God, family, friends

  • Keep finding clothes that I absolutely love

  • Journal and work on myself

  • Find the small things to enjoy

  • Realize my purpose at work and as a nurse

Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you, wouldn't you love nothing more than to be with them more often? Make a choice to make a change in your life!

  • Keep learning how to live with an eating disorder, not let it control me

  • Try new things




Peace and Love,




Letter To My Younger Self

This one is for the younger part of me that has suffered, but also for the young, dear children of the world. My prayer is they can learn from my story.

Dear Mariah,

How are you? Are you struggling? Do you feel like you are comparing yourself to people around you?

15 Tips for Raising Kids with a Positive Body Image #everydayfeminism:

Starting at 6 years old you were struggling. Poor girl, if only you realized how pretty inside and out you were! You compared yourself to others in all sorts of ways!! Grades, clothes, who was friends with who, how you looked in your cheer uniforms. The need to be “perfect” was so overwhelming, wasn’t it?  

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Cheer competition with dad- age 7/8

If only there could have been positive ways to really be noticed. You received some attention at home, but you needed more. You lost your childhood at such a young age and that didn’t help anything. Growing up so fast and realizing what the world is really like was so hard! Going from a young kid to an old soul-teenager in a short time was rough. Basically really like 13 going on 30! It’s like you missed the time of nurturing and really figuring out what makes you so special, what your real talents are. Why you are you!!!

A note I wish I had given to my younger self. It is only with age that you  realise that your power is in your difference.:

Going backwards and learning about yourself has been important. Being 24 years old and finally realizing “I am ok with who I am” has been astronomical. The struggle will still be real. This body image thing and other issues didn’t start yesterday, but one day at a time.

I just wish I could have helped you more back in the day. Even in high school through the bullying, trauma, awful things that happened. I just didn’t know how. I did the best I could.

"I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night." —Khaled Hosseini, in The Kite Runner  (Art: "Love From Up Above" by Amanda Cass):

Looking back can you believe where you are now? You knew you were determined and had a crazy strong head on your shoulders, but really?!!! Have a career, husband, doggy, and luckily just be somewhat stable! It’s unimaginable coming from where you were even ten years ago! Imagine where you will be in another ten years!

I will always try and do my best to protect you, but can you forgive me for the past?

Multi-color Aurora Borealis [Northern Lights] - Posted by Something I would love to see one day:



My *???* Lb Life

Yesterday I went to the doctor. I specifically asked the nurse to please not let me know what my weight was when she put me on the scale. I haven’t weighed myself in almost an entire year!!! This is a huge accomplishment since I used to weigh myself multiple times a day…

Debunking the common myths about eating disorders and body dysmorphia:

So, as I was leaving the doctor they gave me a print-out summary of my appointment. On the top was my weight and BMI. The doctor knows I have an eating disorder, she is aware it’s better I don’t know my weight. This seriously threw me for a loop. I realized I am still struggling with body dysmorphia. but I know logically it’s just a number, but holy crap! I don’t blame her at all, she just doesn’t understand how this could really set back someone with an eating disorder.

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The need for eating disorder education with healthcare providers here is exponential…

After this I went and ate lunch by myself! I reflected and logically thought about how it is just a number. Of course my eating disorder thoughts were trying to take over, but I tried to combat these thoughts at all costs. This number on a machine does not define who I am. My life has been so different this past year. I now know the number, but I choose not to dwell on it. I am choosing to live a life with purpose!

My body is my home and I will not tear it down - A poem by Anastasia Amour @

My hope is that as humans in a world obsessed with weight, sizes, diets, etc, we can choose not to freak out about a number on a scale. Does this really define us? Seriously? We are more than a number. The obsession a year ago was horrible. I have realized how far I have come in the last year.

I hope and pray others can realize they are more than a number. Enjoy the lives we have been given and realize every second is precious!



The Body Exhibit

My husband and I went to celebrate our birthdays last week in Vegas! On our trip we went to the “Bodies Exhibit” at the Luxor Hotel.

Vegas… oh Vegas is a place where people come, drink, gamble, but ALSO WEAR WHATEVER THEY FEEL LIKE, seriously a free for all. It was not surprising to see ladies booties or boobies hanging out all over the place. I felt very self-conscious, especially because recently I’ve been working so hard on body-acceptance.

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So we decided to go to the “Bodies Exhibit.” My nurse-side was geeking-out. This exhibit was so cool from start to finish. This exhibit really helped me re-group and remember how awesome our bodies are! How amazing is it that our bodies can work as one with every intricate piece playing a part.

My favorite part of this exhibit was the “MRI Body.” The body had been sliced into pieces showing how an image looks when it is taken in an MRI. Just seeing how amazing our technological advancements are is awesome.

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I am so glad we went to this exhibit, because it re-focused me onto what is important in life. Having a well-functioning body, no matter the size, but one that is functioning at full-capacity for me.

If this exhibit comes near you, I urge you to go!!!

Bodies Exhibit



The Non-Uniformity

via Daily Prompt: Uniform

In this world these days, we try so hard to keep a level of uniformity. Whether this is through having kids wearing uniforms in schools, driving the speed limits on the roads, having standards in the workplace. Yes, some of these are advances in the world throughout the years by learning from our human mistakes, but some of this is also to keep order in a chaotic world.