In the last few years my immediate family unit has completely changed. Yes, I got married, but I’m not just talking about that…
I moved out of my parents house about three years ago after I graduated college. Around the same time of me moving out, my parents decided after many years together to go their separate ways. It was and wasn’t a surprise, but this decision still shook me up. By now though, I thought I had already finished my grieving… I mean it’s been a while since they separated.
Recently, the divorce was finally finalized. Since then, my subconscious has been coming forward and consciously showing signs that I need to keep grieving this loss. I don’t want to sit and go through anymore of this. I just want to not feel these emotions! (wishful thinking)
So remember how I said that my subconscious is starting to consciously show me I need to grieve? Sounds freaking insane and at first I didn’t even believe it!
Since the divorce being finalized, I have started craving some of my favorite snacks from my childhood… Innocent enough right? So here’s the connections.
Sunflower seeds- the ones you crack and spit. My dad loves them and would eat these during road trips while we listened to Johnny Cash. I started to really enjoy sunflower seeds in high school/college. They’re just so yummy!
7-11 Icees- also known as Slurpees. I remember as a kid getting one of these once or twice a week after school. I especially loved these during the summer months! The irony is for the last few weeks 7-11 has had an $.89 sale on super-sized icees. Coincidence?
Sonic Ice Cream Slushes– Here’s the craziest story. A few days ago I went to Sonic, this is when it hit me I may have some more processing to do with my parent’s divorce… I went to Sonic and was looking at the slushes on the menu. I asked what are the best flavors for the ice cream slushes. The sonic employee mentioned the blue coconut, strawberry, or orange. I decided on a strawberry ice cream slush. When I received it and took a sip I realized what it was…
After swim team practice one day in high school, my dad picked me up and we both ordered this same drink from Sonic. When we got the drinks, we went to a park and walked around, talked, had a good time.
To the reader these stories may not seem significant, but to me and everything that has gone on with my immediate family these last few years, this was like a hit in the face. It’s a sad situation, but I had thought I had already grieved. These incidences made me feel like I’ve been woken up and told, “OK Mariah, this is really happening, it is over now, now but time for you to sit and finish grieving.”
Are these just coincidences’? Is the universe trying to tell me something? All I know is that this has been a huge adjustment these last few years. My life has gone from what I thought it would be to something completely unexpected. One day at a time.
Peace and love,