Body Positivity, eating disorder

What Do You Target? 

This past week I went to Target. I love Target and decided to look at their activewear! 

Me deciding to even look at activewear is a pretty big deal. Since treatment, I’ve been so afraid of doing any type of exercise because i’m afraid i’ll overdo it. I don’t want to go backwards in my treatment. Also, it’s really hard for me to see myself in tight clothes… Period.

I decided now is the time to even start walking some, because I don’t want to huff and puff my way through life.

So I was looking at the activewear and loved it! I had a big pile of stuff to try on. I loved the colored leggings and matching tops! Entering the dressing room I was so excited.

As I started pulling on the clothes… I realized the xxl still wouldn’t fit me. There wasn’t a size up in the store. My belly just looked so unattractive in everything… I don’t know how to accept my belly… So I sat down on the bench with sweat on my face and cried. Cried because I’m not the size I want to be… Because I’ve given up so much to beat ED… Because all I wanted was to look cute and fit in if I’m going to workout.

I felt so humiliated. 

I’m trying to overcome and have ordered some activewear online from various places. Im proud how I’ve handled this, but how do I accept my belly… Even when I see it in the mirror… 

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