eating disorder

Follow Me


“…Follow me
Everything is all right,

I’ll be the one to tuck you in at night,

And if you want to leave I can guarantee

You won’t find nobody else like me…”

I listened to this song in the car today, and it really hit me in the gut. This week I have struggled with a lot of grief. In the last year I have lost a lot because of ED. I’ve lost my “ideal” body, control of everything, friends, what I thought my life would be. I have gained a lot and learned so much about myself, but the negativity is weighing me down right now. No matter what I have lost in the last year, the hardest thing I’ve lost is ED.

Dear ED,

You have comforted me for so long. I’ve turned to you since I was 12 for so many things like acceptance, reassurance, love. I needed you during those dark and lonely times. You helped me control what was the chaos of my life. High school I can’t even imagine what it would have been like without you. Through the bullying, trauma, girl drama, you were my protector. You helped me through so many ups and downs in relationships.  College, I wouldn’t have made it through nursing school without you. Don’t mind the brain fog, or the fact I passed out.  You helped me maintain control with the restricting, binging, diets, supplements, you helped me control the chaos. You gave me an excuse to get out of many events and opportunities. Why would I go out to eat, socialize, hang out with friends and family, when I could just stay home and be alone with you…

ED you have also been the most destructive relationship for me. Co-dependency doesn’t even cut it. You have been so abusive. Tearing me down, making me feel fat and like there is absolutely no hope, not knowing where to turn, starving me, ridiculing me, my life, and my body for so long. ED you have made me feel so much guilt and shame for so long. If I keep you in my life, I will die. It’s time for me to move on…

“…I’m giving up on everything
Because you messed me up

Don’t know how much you
You screwed it up

You never listened

That’s just too bad

Because I’m moving on
I won’t forget

You were the one that was wrong

I know I need to step up and be strong

Don’t patronize me
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Have you forgotten
Everything that I wanted

Do you forget it now

You never got It

Do you get it now”


https://www.buzzfeed.com/carolinerothstein/17-stories-of-eating-disorder-survival?utm_term=.wjKNyd0QjN#.apYGeb0wrG

http://www.iamsubject.com/iamsubject-project-saying-goodbye-eating-disorder/

https://www.goodbyeletters.net/preview/Goodbye_Letter_Eating_Disorder

Read more: Avril Lavigne – Forgotten Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Read more: Uncle Kracker – Follow Me Lyrics | MetroLyrics

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