Body Positivity, eating disorder, Life

Perfectionistically perfect 

Perfectionism is something I have a hard time dealing with daily! 

At work things have to be a certain way, organized, OCD. I have accepted that will stay the same way for patient safety.  However…

When I was very sick in my disorder I really struggled. I wanted to be a certain weight to feel better about myself. Not making that certain number made me more aggravated and keep trying more diets, supplements, exercise programs, and seeking doctors help to try and lose weight to look “perfect.” I never had really accepted myself on the inside. I didnt know this at the time tho and was obsessed with numbers. Reaching certain numeric values… So numbers and numbers kept swirling in my head and all I wanted was to be perfect and loved for me… 

Where do you go if you actually meet that weight goal number? Its never good enough. The next goal will be a smaller and smaller and smaller number until the you people know is completely gone. 

For me I never met the goal weights but instead gained and gained and gained and became more desperate and frustrated until I reached my breaking point. 

Thinking back to childhood, I think for me this perfectionism started with school. Wanting to be 100% on all schoolwork and make my parents proud. Then add on the weight gain and not feeling accepted and just desperately wanting to fit in and feel loved. I was and am loved I just didnt feel like it because I was so disconnected. 

How do you love yourself and become imperfectly perfect? Ive been working on accepting myself for who I am. Loving others and myself. What other ideas do you guys have? 

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